Getting Nowhere Fast

Former lovers and now middle aged business partners, Pam and Merv try to 'get with it' by opening a Cyber section in their Vodka and Veggie cafe.

Sitcom by Mervyn Stutter.

Episodes

SeriesEpisodeTitleFirst
Broadcast
RepeatedComments
20101128 (BBC7)

Ex-lovers turned cafe-bar owners Pam and Merv discuss love, life and a revamp.

Stars Mervyn Stutter.

From November 2001.

From 2001.

0101Up The Cyber Pass2001112320030319
20070102 (BBC7)
20070103 (BBC7)
20070927 (BBC7)
20070928 (BBC7)
20090630 (BBC7)
20101126 (BBC7)
20120821 (BBC7)
20150525 (BBC7)
20150526 (BBC7)
20170307 (BBC7)
20170311 (BBC7)

Former lovers and now middle aged business partners, Pam and Merv try to 'get with it' by opening a Cyber section in their Vodka and Veggie cafe.

Sitcom by Mervyn Stutter.Chantal tells all about her latest bit of plastic surgery and Merv tries to persuade Pam that love is more important than the money of her new, yet forever absent husband Dominic.

Oh and the computers get stolen too!

Ex-lovers turned cafe-bar owners Pam and Merv discuss love, life and a revamp. Stars Mervyn Stutter. From November 2001.

Ex-lovers turned cafe-bar owners Pam and Merv discuss love, life and a revamp. From 2001.

Ex-lovers turned cafe-bar owners Pam and Merv discuss love, life and a revamp.

0102Friday Night Is Vinyl Night2001113020030326
20070109 (BBC7)
20070110 (BBC7)
20071004 (BBC7)
20071005 (BBC7)
20090707 (BBC7)
20101203 (BBC7)
20120828 (BBC7)
20150601 (BBC7)
20150602 (BBC7)
20170314 (BBC7)

The return of Pam's absent husband, Dominic, means that Merv faces the double dilemma of finding a new job and a new place to live.

The regulars in the vodka and veggie bar offer their advice, but as ever Merv has his own ideas on how to woo his ex and attract some new customers.

Pam's absent hubby returns, so Merv tries to woo his ex and find somewhere to live.

Pam's absent hubby returns, so Merv tries to woo his ex and find somewhere to live. Stars Mervyn Stutter. From November 2001.

0103Love Bytes2001120720030409
20070116 (BBC7)
20070117 (BBC7)
20071011 (BBC7)
20071012 (BBC7)
20090714 (BBC7)
20101210 (BBC7)
20101212 (BBC7)
20101213 (BBC7)
20120904 (BBC7)
20150608 (BBC7)
20150609 (BBC7)
20170321 (BBC7)

Pam discovers the joy of online dating with Duvet Derek from Luton, whilst Merv launches The Cyber Pass' very own Love Byte Night by advertising on RumpyPumpy dotcom.

"Love Byte Night at the Cyber Pass" is Mervyn's big idea to get punters in.

But will Pam learn to love the joy of texts?

Pam tries online dating and Merv offers a cafe cyber pass for 'Love Byte Night'.

Stars Mervyn Stutter.

From December 2001.

Pam tries online dating and Merv offers a cafe cyber pass for 'Love Byte Night'. Stars Mervyn Stutter. From December 2001.

0104 LASTUp On The Roof2001121420030416
20070123 (BBC7)
20070124 (BBC7)
20071018 (BBC7)
20071019 (BBC7)
20090721 (BBC7)
20101217 (BBC7)
20120911 (BBC7)
20150615 (BBC7)
20150616 (BBC7)
20170328 (BBC7)

Dominic's cold-hearted decision to turn the vodka and veggie cafe into a rehab clinic leads to non-violent direct action from the Waterloo Sunset Pensioner Commune Heavy Metal Ensemble.

Merv gains strong support from an unlikely source when the cafe faces closure.

Merv gains strong support from an unlikely source when the cafe faces closure. Stars Mervyn Stutter. From December 2001.

0204 LAST2003050920070220 (BBC7)
20070221 (BBC7)
20071227 (BBC7)
20071228 (BBC7)
20090901 (BBC7)
20110121 (BBC7)
20130108 (BBC7)

Pamela has had enough of men - including Merv - so she joins a women's group.

Stars Mervyn Stutter.

From May 2003.

From 2003.

In the 21st century the belated burning of bras hits the bistro as Pamela suddenly realises that all the men in her life have been hopeless, and decides to join the Pretoria Avenue Women's Group.

Merv disagrees - he is one of them.

Dilkes discovers murder most foul - a dead chicken.

Neville discovers Nigella Lawson and Pamela renounces the Oven and embraces the Coven.

Edith is happy just to get her kit off.

Pamela has had enough of men - including Merv - so she joins a women's group. Stars Mervyn Stutter. From May 2003.

03052004061120041124
20091006 (BBC7)
20110311 (BBC7)
20130219 (BBC7)
20130220 (BBC7)
20151123 (BBC7)
20151124 (BBC7)

Reunions top the agenda at the CyberPass bistro, but are they such a good idea?

Reunions top the agenda at the CyberPass bistro, but are they such a good idea? Stars Mervyn Stutter. From June 2004.

Reunions top the agenda at the CyberPass bistro - but are they such a good idea? Stars Mervyn Stutter.

From June 2004.

If reunions are a bad idea, why do we have them? Is it to check our success against the others, or is it just the hope of exploring some unresolved nooky behind the bike sheds with Becky from 5B?

0306 LAST2004061820041201
20091013 (BBC7)
20110318 (BBC7)
20130226 (BBC7)
20130227 (BBC7)
20151130 (BBC7)
20151201 (BBC7)

Stars Mervyn Stutter and Lill Roughley.

Merv likes jeans.

He's always liked jeans.

He can't remember when he didn't like jeans.

Status Quo wear jeans, Springsteen wears jeans, Dylan wears jeans - so why does Pam want to take him shopping? What else could he possibly need?

Merv has always worn jeans, so why does Pam want to take him shopping? From June 2004.

Merv has always worn jeans, so why does Pam want to take him shopping? Stars Mervyn Stutter and Lill Roughley. From June 2004.