The Lentil Sorters

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Episodes

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01Standard Deviation20151111

A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, the team uncover an unexpected statistical correlation between eyebrows, strawberries and dangerous dogs.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Special guests:

Spanner....Steve Brody

Candlestick....Phil Whelans

Terry....Charlie Quirke

The Bookie....Morgan Jones

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator.

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Produced by David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4.

02Researcher Bias20151118

A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, Daniel and Audrey fight over the Welfare State with the aid of a can of strong lager, a fake police uniform and a beloved British character actor.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Special guests:

Jonty....Tom Crowley

Stephanie....Catriona Knox

Pete Postlefake....Paul Shearer

The Policeman....Paul Putner

The Passer-By....Tessa Coates

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Produced by David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for the BBC.

03False Positives20151125

A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, a stag do, a stats conference and a blood test combine to make Graham's life substantially worse.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Produced by David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4.

04 LASTMulti-parameter Database Search20151202

A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, a database linking of Ribena and MI5 makes Graham reach for his Stress Cardigan. Also, Jane Austen and a brick.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Special guests:

Akif....Ray Panthaki

Black Firebird X....Matt Green

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Produced by David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4.